SS Chapter 81: MBF (5)

TL: FoodieMonster007

Kang Kiyeon's colleagues were objectively competent. As trainees, they had shown great promise.

After their debut, their talent truly shone. Being naturally diligent, they never neglected their practice. This passion led to growth, and everyone improved by the moment.

Kang Kiyeon did not live an idle life, but he always felt half a step behind them. Complaining that his physique was lacking did not make him any taller.

No matter how many times he went through rehearsals, the anxiety that had built up over several years was not resolved.

So Kang Kiyeon focused on changing the things that could be changed with time. He overcame the worry that it would be difficult to debut at this rate and survived until the very end.

The choreography he created relentlessly was proudly incorporated into the intro and highlight of the title track.

He benefited greatly from his environment. He was able to strive harder because there were people who motivated him. He pushed himself, wanting to stand shoulder to shoulder with them.

The saying that effort never betrays you proved to be true. Kang Kiyeon endured his arduous period of growth well.

He had become mentally stronger. However, he was not at a point where his external appearance was flawless compared to anyone else.

As his profession required him to be in front of the camera, it was inevitable that he would witness himself and his colleagues from a third-person perspective. When he looked at himself in spArk from the public's point of view, he seemed to have improved, but at the same time, he still looked lacking.

For Kang Kiyeon, who had learned that effort is never betrayed, standing still was synonymous with laziness. Slow progress meant a lack of sincerity, and as the years went by, the phrase 'still developing' became closer in meaning to 'still has shortcomings.'

No matter how much he moved forward, if the people beside him were sprinting ahead, Kang Kiyeon was put in the position of being left behind.

He admired his colleagues on screen. He did not feel jealous. He was also far from having an inferiority complex.

The time for blaming reality had passed, and he knew that nothing good would come from letting it eat away at him. It was just that the thought, 'Will I never be able to reach the level my members have attained in my lifetime?' had become a concern.

He did his best because his fans loved him. However, it was unclear how much of the support they sent was genuine and from what point it became affection that embraced even his shortcomings.

He wanted to be a member who fit seamlessly into the group, an idol who could be a source of pride for his fans.

However, the person in the mirror was never perfect. There was always an empty space, a part he could not clearly identify how to fill, making him seem incomplete from every angle.

When he was dancing, nothing felt difficult. The path he had started on in pursuit of joy, combined with his young age, allowed him to live in a fantasy.

The reduced pressure regarding grades was also a major factor.

After changing his career path and becoming a trainee, the pressure began to sprout. When he took walks on foggy dawns, the burden seemed to absorb the moisture and continuously grow larger.

Until he successfully debuted and won first place, Kang Kiyeon lived by purely enduring that period.

His feelings from that time were still vivid. It was awkward to talk about them openly.

And Lee Cheonghyeon was telling him to bring out those feelings that Kang Kiyeon had tried so hard to bury.

Reveal to the fans that I was the kind of person who had these thoughts? Tell the unremarkable story of how I, lacking self-confidence, languished and repeatedly despaired in front of my family? Confess how my uncontrollable anxiety had sickeningly held me back?

Kang Kiyeon did not want to do that. I want to show the image of a proper idol, but the me from back then was so pathetic.

At this point, he once again wondered what on earth Lee Cheonghyeon found in the him of that era that was worth showcasing.

Kang Kiyeon's life lacked any tragic narrative or suffering that would move others to tears. He had not accomplished any great feat that would make people curious about his entire story.

All he had done was experience the same growing pains as everyone else, and although he had achieved his dream, people more successful than Kang Kiyeon were a dime a dozen.

In a situation like this, what meaning could there be in creating and singing a song about a past sense of powerlessness? It was obvious it would end up as nothing more than simple self-expression.

Lost in his thoughts, Kang Kiyeon's eyes fell upon a wrinkled pouch, just waiting for the water on it to dry.

"Hoo…!"

He had an inkling. Lee Cheonghyeon was the type of guy who believed that the Kang Kiyeon of today was forged because of that period in his life.

He was a good friend who valued his efforts as precious. That must be why he considered the past, which Kang Kiyeon felt was so insignificant that he was desperate to hide it, to be an essential and important period that Kang Kiyeon could not have done without.

Lee Cheonghyeon was not so loose-lipped as to thoughtlessly go around town blabbing about his best friend's painful memories. Throughout the entire process of writing the song, and right up until he spoke to Kang Kiyeon directly, Lee Cheonghyeon must have agonized over it again and again.

I know. I know it all, but if I acknowledge this, I can no longer live with my pathetic, lacking past buried away. That's why I wanted to look away. I pushed it aside because I didn't want to reveal my shabby self.

His inner feelings, which he had pretended to ignore, were reflected as clearly as the living room scenery in the windowpane.

Among the many pieces of advice Kim Iwol had given him, one in particular remained in Kang Kiyeon's mind for a long time. He had told him to try lying on the floor when he could not seem to release his tension.

Because trainee Kang Kiyeon had been so desperate, he would often lie flat on the floor just as Kim Iwol instructed.

Kang Kiyeon once again tried lying down on the floor of the dorm. He was not sure if his mind was becoming peaceful or his head was clearing, but his muscles certainly relaxed.

As he let out a long breath, he felt as if he were calming down.

Faces that made him proud and yet simultaneously intimidated him floated up toward the ceiling. It began with Choi Jeho, the first person who had ever made Kang Kiyeon feel like he was in the presence of a genius.

If Choi Jeho was a genius from the media, then Lee Cheonghyeon was the first living, breathing genius Kang Kiyeon had ever met, and after entering UA, he met Park Joowoo, who was simply beyond comparison.

There were many elements used to portray geniuses in dramas and comics. The geniuses in media were often prickly, had peculiar personalities, or possessed unique external features or habits that made them stand out as characters.

They were always followed by descriptions explaining just how incredible they were.

However, the geniuses one encountered in reality were different. They would eat a meal next to you like anyone else and spend their time just the same, but the moment they unleashed their talent, they would overwhelm the entire room.

Their very existence was enough to shock people. A true genius had no need to explain their abilities to others. Everyone would acknowledge them just by witnessing it.

Everyone imagined receiving the world's highest praise at least once. Kang Kiyeon had too.

However, he came to realize that some imaginations remained mere delusions, while for others, they could become reality. It was around that time that he seemed to have truly felt the wall of disparity.

After watching the solo performances of Kim Iwol and Jeong Seongbin, who had been the centers in 『Sprint 』, his thoughts grew even more complicated. He felt as if he was the only one whose feet were bound while everyone else was finding their own path.

If only he knew which way to go, he would at least try to run, but since he did not know the direction, he could not bring himself to take a step, no matter how much he wanted to.

His life as an idol had been a continuous journey to find solid ground to stand on.

It was a stage where he had to prove that changing his career path from dance was not the wrong choice, a place where he absolutely had to succeed to meet expectations, and a position from which he, who had been wavering, had to overcome hardships and stand on his own two feet.

So, even if he was embarrassed to show his desperate struggle, and even if revealing his once-bleak perspective seemed unremarkable…what was he to do if the place he inhabited was the deep sea? What if he had spent the longest time at the black bottom, and that was where his entire being lay dormant?

Kang Kiyeon took another deep breath. The distracting thoughts that had been noisily roaming his mind seemed to travel down his hair and scatter onto the cold floor.

Just close your eyes and face reality.

Perhaps because he had been agonizing for so long.

Even if it's embarrassing, I have to give it a shot.

It did not take long to turn his decision into action. Kang Kiyeon sent a text to the friend he had not contacted in a while, asking to talk when he returned.

The downside of a long-haul flight was that even after sleeping your fill, you would wake up to find you were still flying. Exhausted from his busy schedule, Lee Cheonghyeon had boarded the plane, skipped the in-flight meal, and slept for half a day straight.

Nevertheless, there was still a long time to go before he reached his destination in Incheon.

Accustomed to long flights, Lee Cheonghyeon's bag was filled with items to help him endure the tedious journey.

However, he could not bring himself to pick up any of them.

I wonder how long they'll be on Jeju Island?

The unresolved matter floated in his mind. In fact, it was not just after boarding the plane.

From the moment he left Korea and all throughout his work, Lee Cheonghyeon had been mulling over the issue he had left unresolved.

One day, when he had been lost in his worries, Kim Iwol had taken him to Busan. Other times, Kang Kiyeon had dragged him to Incheon.

When Lee Cheonghyeon heard the news that Kim Iwol and Kang Kiyeon were on Jeju Island, he thought that perhaps Kim Iwol had taken Kang Kiyeon there.

The subject of Lee Cheonghyeon's worries remained the same.

Should I have tried a different way to persuade him?

The question traveled back in time, leading to regrets that he should have explained it more gently, and even that he should not have written such a song in the first place.

Talking about your weaknesses is a really difficult thing to do.

Looking back, he had gone through a similar phase himself. No one had put any pressure on him, yet he had been so terrified on his own that he was too embarrassed to let anyone hear a single song he had made.

And yet he had asked him to sing not just about a simple creation, but about a story he might want to hide. He had been inconsiderate.

It was not that he could not understand how he felt, yet he had still been rash.

I believe Kang Kiyeon would do a great job… but being good at something and wanting to do it are two different things.

He had absolute trust in Kang Kiyeon's abilities. The Kang Kiyeon that Lee Cheonghyeon had watched over the years was a friend who never hesitated to take on a challenge when he found something he wanted to do.

He never knew how to give up, even when he was exhausted by frustrating situations. He had struggled with an uncertain future, yet he endured until the very end and finally saw the light.

He was worlds apart from himself, who, despite loving music, had taken a long detour through piano as a second-best option. Unlike him, who had tried to run from the fact that his own song might become their debut track, Kang Kiyeon had not fled.

Whether his evaluation scores were poor or other members' popularity skyrocketed past his, he accepted it and focused on what he had to do. He was strong.

That must have been why he was able to lead him when he had been at a complete loss after Kim Iwol's disappearance.

No matter how rough the waves crashed upon the surface of the sea, the Kang Kiyeon within was never swept away. He held his ground. Lee Cheonghyeon remembered Kang Kiyeon wandering for ages in the dawn, as blue as the depths of the ocean, only to steadfastly pull himself together and return to the dorm as the morning sun rose.

Lee Cheonghyeon liked that about him. He hoped others would also get to know this side of Kang Kiyeon. Because once they did, his true value would surely become apparent.

Putting his regrets aside, he checked the time. He was not sure when they had covered so much distance, but landing was imminent.

While he was getting ready to disembark, the plane completed its descent. He stretched his stiff body and turned off his phone's airplane mode, and a flood of messages came pouring in.

Among them was a message from Kang Kiyeon, sent a while ago.

MBF [Let's talk when you get here.]

It seemed his friend had returned from Jeju Island.